The Dead Days Journal: Volume 1 Read online

  Its main purpose was safety, though my mother, Sylvia, had tried to add a few womanly touches: a painting here, a throw rug there. And thick, colorful blankets folded neatly on the end of every army cot.

  My mother now stood in the archway to the pantry room where I delivered my daily haul. She looked extra tired today. The circles that rimmed her green eyes and hollowed out her cheeks were darker. Her flowing golden hair was thinner and duller than it was before. Still, she smiled as she handed me a tall bottle of clear water.

  Huffing off my load, I took hold of the container and drank deeply silently wishing Ben would walk away. Before I’d finished drinking the precious contents, Ben planted my brother in my mother’s arms and took a firm hold on my free hand.

  “Excuse me, Sylvia, but I need to speak with Leo in private.”

  Lifting a thin brow, my mother turned away to deposit my brother on the floor so he could help her drag my pack out of the walkway.

  “Mom, you need my help with that?” I called out, hoping she’d save me.

  “No, darling, we can handle it. I warned you months ago; you should have listened.” Then my mother burst into laughter, indeed into shoulder-shaking hysterics. Lincoln joined in, not that he knew the reason, cackling like a little madman. He never missed out on a chance to have fun.

  Traitors.

  Ben whisked me to a lower-level alcove that served as his room while I sucked down the remnants from the water bottle. I’d been out all day without a single drop.

  Ben had two cots shoved together and secured with zip ties, mainly because one cot wasn’t big enough to accommodate his size. Several layers of sleeping bags, sheets, and blankets, plus four nicely-sized pillows made up his bedding. It was too tempting, regardless of the implications. I’d been out scavenging since dawn with only an apple and a few nuts to eat. Now that my thirst was quenched, I didn’t have a care in the world. Ben’s temper tantrum would have to wait.

  He watched as I removed my clothing. I’d pushed down my dusty pants and sat on his cots to remove my boots when Ben knelt down to help. Carefully, he untied the laces while I removed my shirt. Left only in a bra and panties, I snuggled under the first layer of blankets. It smelled of Ben, all musk and earth. My eyes closed as soon as my head settled on the soft pillows.

  “Leo, I don’t think your parents would approve of you sleeping in my bed.” I couldn’t see Ben’s face through closed lids, but I knew his lips formed a smile.

  “Don’t be silly. This is exactly what they want—what you want, too. This might even be what I want.” The truth was much easier to admit in the dark.

  I’m not sure why Ben ground his teeth, and I didn’t really care, other than wanting the grating noise to stop. Reaching out, I found a piece of his shirt and tugged, urging him to lie next to me. It was a tight fit, but his lengthy weight was more than comforting as rough fingers brushed stray hairs from my brow. When firm lips pressed down on my forehead, I inched even closer, and Ben responded by wrapping an arm around me.

  There’s no telling how long I’d slept. I woke to Ben’s gentle touch, a slight lift of my chin, and the scent of mint. My eyes shot open. Perched on his side, Ben cupped my face in his giant hand, a small red and white candy held firmly between his teeth. My mouth watered, longing for the rare treat he offered.

  I swallowed hard and breathed in heaven, my eyes fixed on the red swirl against his bottom lip. “Is this a bribe?”

  “It’s a gift.” Ben spoke around the sugar globe and lowered his head.

  The candy disappeared for a quick second, but when his mouth closed over mine, the peppermint reappeared. Delicious, sweet, clean, and cool. I savored the candy and his kiss for a long time, swirling the smooth mint over Ben’s tongue and then my own. Ben pressed closer as his hand moved from my chin to trail softly between, and then around, my breast. When he reached my stomach, I tensed. This can’t go any further.

  I crushed his gift with a snap of my teeth and then stilled his roaming hand. Ben’s chest throbbed with quick heaving breaths. I sat up and moved against the rough wall to give us the air we both needed.

  “Before you get all bent out of shape, this is not a rejection.” While Ben lay back with his eyes closed, I checked between my legs to make sure one of the reasons I wouldn’t sleep with him wasn’t visible.

  Ben popped the lid of one dreamy brown eye. “It isn’t?”

  “No…” My heart jumped in my throat and hammered against my windpipe, making it impossible to speak or breathe. Ben opened both eyes now.

  I swallowed my heart along with the remaining sliver of candy. “We just shared our first real kiss today. I need a little time for my head to catch up with my heart.”

  Ben leaned forward, but I thought he also might be positioning himself for a quick exit. “Do you mean that?”

  “Uh-huh, I do.” It surprised me. Not because I hadn’t known my feelings for Ben but because I’d finally gotten up the nerve to tell him.

  The smile on his lips moved into his eyes, and right away I knew I wanted to see that look again and again. I’d made him happy. Ben drew me into a crushingly intense hug that almost brought me to tears. My shields were crumbling. Ben had won—for the moment.

  “I love you, Leona.” Ben’s whispered words tickled my earlobe.

  We’d resumed kissing when footfalls pounded in our direction—three men moving fast. I scrambled for my clothes and almost had them in place when my father came sliding around the corner. Jack and Duncan, who carried his medic kit, continued past, racing down to the back exit, while my father stood shell-shocked. His albino skin and hair accentuated his surprised expression in a ghastly way.

  Ben rose to meet him and managed to hide some of my bare skin until I finished securing my shirt and buttoning my pants.

  “Vincent,” Ben said flatly.

  “We’ve got trouble.” My father snuck a peek over Ben’s shoulder and raised a white brow to me. He looked angry when he reared back on Ben, but there was a hint of humor in his pink-tinted eyes. I wasn’t a child anymore, and my father trusted Ben more than anyone. No way was he mad at catching us together, but that wouldn’t pardon us from a good fatherly scolding.

  “We’ll talk about this later. Let’s go,” my father said.

  Without a word, Ben ran with my father to the exit leading into the cave. They were tough fighters, same as me, though I didn’t quite match up to them in size. Once I’d managed to tie my boots I was on my way. Other footsteps echoed behind me as I pushed out of the massive steel door.

  Daylight slid through the eight-by-two crevice, the natural entrance to the cavern. The men kneeled together. Duncan’s tattooed arms moved frantically back and forth to his kit while Ben’s torso pumped up and down in a rhythmic motion. A thin trickle of blood flowed from the center of the circle they formed. I’d faced death every day for the last five years, but it wasn’t the same when you knew the person dying, especially after they’d survived the end of world with you.

  A jerk of my father’s head sent Jack over just as the others filed in behind me.

  Shoving a trembling hand through his black hair and then resting it against the back of his neck, Jack addressed the group. With his eyes cast to the ground, he seemed to make a conscious effort not to look directly at any one person. “Everyone, please go back inside. There’s nothing anyone can do that isn’t already being done.”

  When the soft mumblings, rustling fabric, and shuffling of shoes quieted, I moved shoulder to shoulder with Jack. The door behind me clicked shut. “Who is it and how bad?”

  “Harris brought Margaret. He’s right outside and pretty shaken up. This is bad, real bad. She won’t make it. Vincent wants Harris checked for wounds.” Jack’s gruff voice dimmed to a hush for a reason. I nodded and patted Jack on the arm, then left his side to meet a blood-stained Harris.

  “What happened?” I hooked my arm around Harris and led him out to the riverbank.

  A violent sob escaped him as he fell to
his hands and knees in the shallow water. Careful not to go in too deep, I settled on a flat rock next to him and began scrubbing the blood and dirt with my bare hands. There were several deep gashes on his arms.

  For a while he sat, not moving. He seemed to be focusing on one of the clean spots I’d made.

  “Are you okay? How’d you get these cuts?”

  Harris shook his balding head and then suddenly pushed up to rest his hands on his thighs. The water sloshed over the bottom of my pants. I jerked my legs up and moved off the rock to dry land. I couldn’t allow what was low in my pocket to get wet.

  “One second, Harris. I’m not going far.” I had something that needed my immediate attention. It was probably not as important as Harris, except when you lack certain conveniences.

  Ten feet to my left was a large bush. I settled behind it and relieved myself, then replaced my tampon with another from the side pocket of my cargos.

  It only took twenty seconds for me to finish the intimate deed. I buried the evidence under a rock and went back to the water.

  When Harris looked up, his brown eyes bulged and his mouth gaped open. “I can’t fucking believe it. The rumors were true.”

  I knelt beside him and placed an arm around his narrow shoulders. He leaned in, and after a few more sobs, began to fill me in.

  “Yesterday, when Margaret and I set our traps, we decided to venture out a little farther. We found the perfect spot a few hours hike upriver, a large field with high grass surrounded by mature woods. After setting up, we decided to relax, to have a little well-deserved R and R.”

  Harris and Margaret were two survivors we picked up outside of Maryland. They hadn’t known each other but were close in age, both over forty. They bonded, and over the last year were acting more and more like an old married couple. Losing Margaret was going to be like losing a wife for Harris.

  “We fell asleep, and it was already dusk when we woke. We couldn’t make the long hike back. It was getting too dark to see. So, while I checked on the traps nearest to us, Margaret searched for a little kindling to start a fire. We were pretty excited, camping out like the old days and not a care in the world.”

  I cracked a smile at his comment. I knew how that momentary lapse felt, having experienced it just a moment ago with Ben’s candy. And I thought about how some houses I came across were almost livable, like someone could walk out on the porch and greet me with a cheerful hello and an icy glass of lemonade. What I wouldn’t give for a cup of ice or a lemon.

  Harris gave me a shrug and we both got to our feet. He knuckled his tears and then crossed his arms tightly over his chest.

  “The screams, Leo. I’ve never heard anyone scream like that. And after everything we’ve been through, you know what that means.”

  I did. We’d seen the worst of everything man and nature had to offer. Unimaginable horrors were all of a sudden the norm. We’d rescued Harris from two men who’d turned to cannibalism, and not out of necessity. They’d held Harris hostage, tied him to a tree where he witnessed the brutal consumption of a young boy over the course of three days. When we arrived, the gluttons had Harris hog-tied on the ground and were about to cut into him as Duncan and my father took aim. My heart sang with joy as those bastards’ heads exploded.

  “It took most of the night for me to find her. I had to light a torch and seemed to stumble over every droplet of blood I found in the woods. Not once did she call my name.” He didn’t try to hide the tears that fell this time.

  “Of course not, Harris. She was being attacked and didn’t want you to get hurt.”

  “Maybe I could have saved her!” He unfolded his arms and clenched his fists.

  “Maybe she knew you couldn’t.”

  After a lengthy pause, his posture relaxed. “I never saw what got her. Whatever tore her apart hung her upside down from a tree. She was barely alive and couldn’t speak. It took me awhile to get her down.”

  Harris thrust out his arms, rotating them in front of me. “That’s how I got these. I knew it wouldn’t help, but I brought her back anyway. Duncan said he’d do what he could, but even he knows a lost cause when he sees one.”

  Harris looked past me, but not before I saw the pain in his eyes. The others had joined us: Ben, Duncan, Jack, and my father. Lifting his chin, Harris spoke over my head. “I know the medic kit wasn’t open, but I appreciate the effort.”

  When I turned, my father raised his white brows high.

  “He’s clean,” I announced even though Harris hadn’t said for sure. Harris never saw what happened to Margaret. Logically there could be no contamination.

  Dead Day # 1,431

  The good always comes before the bad, and living through the worst the world had to offer inevitably leads us back to something good.

  My stubborn daughter has finally accepted Ben. Despite all her attempts to scare him off, Ben managed to capture my girl’s heart. Sylvia and I couldn’t be more pleased. Ben is an honorable man who will do anything for those he loves, and Leo saw this about him long before anyone else did, when we found him bleeding and even before he spoke a word. It’s her special gift. Leo and Ben will safeguard the human race by starting a family of their own. This is a sign of great things to come. I pray for the survival of my children’s children.

  It pains me to say that my loving wife is losing her battle with cancer. We noticed the lump in her left breast several months ago, but there’s nowhere to go for help. We’ve decided not to tell anyone, not until it’s absolutely necessary, especially Lincoln who is too young to understand. Then again, maybe I underestimate my young son—he’s seen so much death. We all have. But it would be a shame to tell Leo, too; it would destroy the joy she’s only now allowed herself to feel.

  This week we buried Margaret Henderson, age 46, of Rockville, MD. Cause of death, extreme blood loss. Over forty percent of her body was covered in deep lacerations that no man or animal could inflict. The brutality Margaret suffered was horrific. Duncan confirmed what Harris and I believe. However hard it is to believe, you cannot mistrust your own eyes. These things are real and they are hunting us. I have increased the security detail and shifts will rotate around the clock. No one will hunt or salvage, and no one goes anywhere unarmed.

  From the End of Days to Hell on Earth, this is but another obstacle for my family to overcome.

  Population: 22

  Rations: 205 days

  CHAPTER THREE

  “Lockdown still? It’s been ten days.” I met my father’s pink eyes with pursed lips and a determined stare.

  He leaned forward in his chair to meet my challenge. “Yes, Leo. We have more than enough supplies. And you know the only reason I let Harris, Robert, and Jack leave after the attack is so they could collect the traps that were left behind and erase any trail Harris made bringing Margaret home. After what I saw the other morning, I don’t know why you’re complaining. I thought you’d be more than happy to stay inside for a few relaxing days with Ben.”

  For me, no day in the bunker was ever relaxing. The space might be big enough for all of us to move around without bumping into each other, but after a while, I only felt trapped. I stood up. “You know me better than that.”

  My father unfolded his six-foot-three frame from his chair. He stood over me by almost seven inches and had to lean down to place a gentle kiss on the top of my head. “In this case, I wish I didn’t.”

  “I’m a runner. Running is what I do best,” I reminded him, and then I walked away. Eight track medals and four trophies, duh.

  “Ben’s the right man for you and you know it.”

  “Yeah. Yeah.” I threw my hands up in defeat—our conversation had turned down a road I wasn’t ready to travel with my father—and headed for the upper level where everyone would be gathering for breakfast.

  There’s something very wrong about a father pushing his daughter on a man. What happened to my father protecting my chastity? The end of the world’s what happened. At the age of twenty-two,
I was not naïve or innocent. You have to be tough in order to survive, have to stand up to desperate people and do things you never knew you were capable of doing.

  Before I got too far, my father reminded me of the reason we’d met at dawn in his private space. “Tell everyone to prepare for evac drills.”

  I stopped midstride and turned to give my father, the drill sergeant, a stiff salute, which gained me a heavy chuckle before he strolled off. More than ever I appreciated the minuscule things in life.

  I admired my father greatly. He’d seen the worst of the world and somehow managed to hold on to his sense of humor. His albinism had brought sideshow gasps and painful ridicule throughout his fifty years. Bullied as a child, my father had found his escape in the gym, training in boxing and martial arts so he’d never get pushed around again; but those skills didn’t stop anyone from making fun behind his back. Of course, his later obsession with doomsday preparations hadn’t helped ease the ridicule, except everyone here owed their lives to that obsession.

  Who’s laughing now?

  I swung around to head back and ran face-first into Ben. He smelled fresh and crisp, his body and clothes recently cleaned. It’d been over twenty-four hours since I’d washed up in the freezing cold river. I planted my nose in Ben’s thermal shirt and breathed in. Two heavy arms closed around me.

  “Leo, I have a special surprise for you.” Ben rubbed his hands up and down my back. Thick calluses snagged on the satiny fabric of my oversized nightshirt. “Meet me in the back lower bunker in a few minutes.”

  Ben had invited me back to his bed more than once after Margaret’s burial, but I’d used Lincoln as an excuse. I told Ben that my baby brother needed me to keep the nightmares away. Truth was, Linc hadn’t had a bad dream in over six months. I think Ben knew I was avoiding him, but instead of calling me out on it, he’d arranged something special. This time I wanted to say yes, but I couldn’t.